Happy Father's Day!
I started thinking about this post a few weeks ago and started typing it, deleted it and started again. Nothing was working, it was a "meh" post so I stopped. I thought I would say something profound for those of you still blessed with your Fathers and it would make you stop and think how wise she is for sharing that... But it is always the me in the equation that causes problems. So I'll shut up and let God take the wheel. And it turns out this post is about gifts.
I have already spent my morning crying and this is not going to help. So I ask that you please bear with this unpolished, grammatically incorrect post.
God gifted me with being a Southerner and being country. I was raised in a world where my Mama taught us to love EVERYONE the way Jesus loved them, where Jesus was always watching and people did the right thing for no other reason than it was the right thing. Probably because Jesus was always watching. My mama's mama was mamie and my deddy's mama was grandma. My grandma saved scraps of cloth for quilting, washed out and reused ziptop bags and gave you a half a piece of Juicy Fruit in church on Sunday mornings. She gifted me frugality. My mamie took me to the field to pick veggies and canned or froze them. She would put a switch on the dashboard of the car for long car trips and tell us "Don't make me use this." And trust me, we didn't. She made apple jacks and made my childhood summers the, well she made my summers. She gifted me more than I can type on this page. I love them both dearly and I won the lottery with both of my grandmas but my Grandma Edwards was special. I got to spend the night with her and my grandeddy a lot during the summer (probably because I worried the snot out of my parents until they said yes) and I loved every minute of it.
I do not remember my grandeddy being a big talker. My perception of him changed as I got older and realized just how much he had said with his few words and how much of an influence in my life he had been. In my childhood memories I remember him being a very tall, quite man who came home everyday and ate banana sandwiches for lunch. And it has been so long, I cannot remember if they were peanut butter and banana or banana and mayonnaise. He also made a darn good steak on the grill every Friday night and mamie made homemade steak fries. I never remember seeing grandeddy mad with the exception of once. And although at the time it was not funny, it would later get a smile out of him.
Does anyone remember the life-size dolls that when their arms were raised, you could make them walk? I had one. I dressed her in some of my old dresses. She had black patent-leather, round buckle mary-janes and lacy bobbie socks. She also had the ugliest hair cut int world thanks to my self-proclaimed best hairdresser in the world title at age 6. I kept her in the closet when not playing with her and after a few "scares" grandeddy warned me that I needed to keep her where he could see her. Now maybe he should have been a little clearer in his definition of keep her where he could see her, because I thought in the outside storage closet with my mamie's freezer was perfect. Not so much and now may be the perfect time to say I never remember my grandfather cussing but one time and he was a truck driver. The one time he cussed? When he opened the pitch black storage closet to pull out the charcoal and a very human looking dolly with a bad haircut, my clothes and really creepy smile came falling out at his feet. After said cuss word and very loud "MARIE!", I watched from the window as grandeddy escorted her to dolly heaven a.k.a the trash pile. I say escort, it was more like dragged her by her foot and tossed her into the pile but potato/potahto.
More infamous than dolly's trip to the great beyond was dolly's haircut. I had an affinity for short hair was little thanks to my Dorothy Hamill bowl cut. I wanted everyone of my dolls to suffer, I mean, look just like me. So fast-forward a "few" years later to my deddy asking me to cut his hair... He now has chemo hair, it is falling out in some places, growing back-in in some and perfectly fine in others. As we are sitting there Sir-Many-Gaps looks at me and as serious as a heart attack says "Now, don't you gap up my head!" I'm sorry what you just say? Oh ok... He was a funny man and exactly where my warped sense of humor came from. Another amazing gift I glad to have.
You see these are perfect gifts in my life. I may not remember gifts wrapped in boxes with pretty bows but these bring me comfort everyday. Not to go all poetry on you but some days they are warm comfy sweater that keep me warm when everything just seems to be crappy.
I would also like to share with you the best gift I hve ever received. It was a beautiful afternoon in March 2010. I had been nervous because I was driving my Pastor from Raleigh to Rocky Mount to see my deddy. My deddy came to church one Sunday to hear me sing and liked it so much he stayed. He went every Sunday after that he felt like it. Because of that my pastor was in my car with me and I was driving him to Rocky Mount. Now, I am pretty sure causing you beloved pastor bodily harm is a sure fire way of getting excommunicated so, yes, I was nervous. But we made it and that afternoon, I was given a gift that would bring me comfort during the most difficult time in my life. I was seated at deddy's feet, leaning back against his recliner. Pastor Chuck asked him if he would like to pray the salvation prayer and he did. Out loud, in front of us. There would be no denying after that the answer that scares us when we lose a loved one. So my most precious gift is knowing that although he is gone for now, this is only temporary. And yes, I miss him so much it takes my breathe away, this is only temporary. This Father's Day, our third without him, I will miss the hug, the kiss on the cheek and spending time with him but I will find joy the fact that THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY.
So if you are out shopping today remember, it is not what you buy. It is about putting your arms around them and loving on them. Giving them the gift of memories that weave a warm comfortable sweater that comfort you both.
love- j
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