Emotionally Bankrupt

I wish I could say I have not been posting for a while due to life being grand and I have not had any hard life's lessons to learn. But that is not the case. It is the exact opposite. Life hit a "difficult spell" as we like to say. I had nothing to say. And, in all honesty, if I had had something to say, I probably would have acted like a child, held my breath and said nothing. Or it may not have been very nice or even remotely Christian-like. I was simply was too tired to care. My emotional gas tank was dead on E. I have been emotionally bankrupt.

The details are inconsequential. All I will say is I was hurt by someone I deeply love. That soul crushing what do we do now hurt. And the absolute crazy thing is they did not do anything "wrong", it was just the wrong thing in the circumstances. 

So what do you do? You haven't been wronged. There was no ill will behind their actions. They were not out to get you. It is the opposite. They love you and have your best interest at heart but their idea of what to do and your idea of what to do are just on opposite ends of the spectrum. And the result led to pain.

Again, what do you do? 

Okay- This is where I may ruffle some feathers. If you are easily offended you may want to stop reading right about now...

Am I the only one who sometimes sees Jesus as the poster child for perfect? The poster on the side of the bus with perfect hair and shiny teeth saying "Be like me! But wait... it unobtainable! You will never be like me. I am perfect."  That younger brother or sister, who can NEVER do anything wrong, and your parents are constantly looking at you with that look of "Why can't you be more like Jesus?" "Jesus would never do such a thing. He is perfect!"

That is the "problem" with being a Christian. The person we are to look up to and try to be like was perfect. I am talking about absolutely, stunningly perfect in every way, shape and form. Not just exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose, he is most definitely that, but conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type; excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement: entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings. Perfect! The perfect we will never, ever obtain on this Earth. 

I have been set up for failure. God has set me up to be failure. You want me to be Christlike and yet, you know I will never be this side of Heaven. It is not fair and it is a set of standards I simply cannot live up to. In being Christlike, I am a perfect failure.

I get my feeling hurt and I cannot write a simple blog post. Jesus is hanging from a cross after being tortured and says "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Those aren't high expectations at all. Not. At. All.

I sometimes want to punch people. Jesus heals the guard's severed ear.

I make judgmental statements about people. Jesus said "Neither do I condemn you."

FAILURE! I am a complete and utter failure. That is how I have felt the past few months. Incapable of forgiving, unable to be like Jesus, in some moments not wanting to be like Jesus because I am unable to be like Jesus. A complete and utter failure. 

I have felt this way for months until this morning listening to Dave Ramsey. You read that correctly. The "financial guy" turned my situation  upside down. He said "I was ashamed to tell anyone anything because everyone has their act together. Right?" No Mr. Ramsey, I do not have my act together. Despite outward appearances, I am far from having my act together.

But here is the crazy thing, I am not a failure. That statement does not mean I have not failed. Oh, I can promise you I have, I am and I will continue to fail. But that does not make me a failure. 

The definition of failure is an act or instance of failure or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: nonperformance of something due, required, or expected.

How am I not failure? Because God knows who I am and knew who I would become. I am performing exactly as God knew I would. We all are. We are broken and because of that He sent us Jesus. 

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

He sent us Jesus to be our Savior. He sent us Jesus not as a "Haha, this what you can never be." but as our guide, our crutch, our everything in every moment. Being a Christian is not some unobtainable goal to be like Jesus in every way. It is to allow Jesus to live in us and the Holy Spirit to guide us. We still have free will, can still make our own decisions and choose to not follow where we are led, i.e mess things up terribly. We need to strive to be like Jesus because his perfection is a full expression of God. There will be times we fail. We are broken.  But we are not failures because we are not perfect and never will be here on Earth.

Jesus lives in us at all times, not just our times of need. The Holy Spirit is there to guide us at all times, not just in our times of need. The more we listen and follow God's will the better we become (notice I did not say perfect!) :)

This is why prayer, time alone with God, reading our Bible and fellowship with other Christians is so important. Prayer and time alone, allow us to hear what we are being told. The Bible is our instruction manual. Fellowship with other Christians keeps us accountable. 

Slowly but surely, I am getting back where I need to be. I feel like I am coming out of a war. But I know God will use this to bless me. He always has and always will. 

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

“But if Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, the spirit is life because of righteousness.” Romans 8:10

love- j

Ouchie, Ouch, Ouch

I have something to tell you.

I have thought long and hard about this but I think it is time.

I think you are ready to hear the truth.

This may be the very first time you have ever heard this but the time is nigh...

Sometimes Christians get it wrong. And by wrong, I mean inaccurate, incorrect, mistaken....
W-R-O-N-G. Like me with 75 pounds of naturally curly hair deciding how cute I would be with a bob- wrong. (Umm- no, there will be no pictures posted of that catastrophe!) I will however post a well-lit, professionally done photo so you can see exactly how much hair got cut into said bob. People- I own it, I am selective with the photos. Now if my sister decides to ever start her own blog, well there may be payback for a few times when we were younger and you might get to see it. That is why I pray regularly that the Lord does not give her that calling.

Thank you to my good friend Ken Demery
@680StylePhotography

We sometimes get it wrong but with the best of intentions. Like my Mama whipping out the Bactine and telling me this is not going to sting a bit. Excuse me, Benedict Arnold, I believe you are incorrect, inaccurate, mistaken, WRONG! (Please note that I write this comfortably 50 miles away from where my Mother currently resides and with no plans to see her until I am sure I will survive putting out into the world that she was wrong.) Then there was the change to- it will only sting a little. Oh, a little huh? You mean that hair-raising, eye watering, 4739 bee stings feeling pain was just a little? I almost hyperventilate walking by it in the Tar-zhay.

Her intentions were good but the actuality of the situation was she was wrong and it hurt, a lot. To be honest, it only hurt for a few seconds but jeez louise that few seconds was something.

How do we Christians get it wrong? Oh, let me count the ways but I so have two specific examples in mind. Both, of which, I have heard and am guilty of saying:

1. When God closes a door, He opens a window.
2. God never gives us anything we cannot handle.

Here is where I am going to get myself into a little trouble. Some of you may read this and think I am being a little harsh or critical. I promise, I am in no way trying to beat up on anyone who has said any of the things I am going to discuss. I have said them myself,

The reason I am putting these two together, is because they belong together. When we see someone in a valley, we feel like we need to say something to give them hope that their suffering will be short lived. We want to try and sell the deluxe model Christian package that ties up all of our worldly problems in a neat little Jesus bow. Buy the LX Jesus model and people will adore you, problems will magically disappear. Your life will be perfect.

I have always liked the saying When God closes a door, He opens a window. I thought of it as letting someone in difficult situation know, you will get through this. But that is not what we are saying. We are saying "If your situation sucks and the door to walk away has closed, wait and God will open a window for you to escape." But that may not be God's plan. The reality is He may be closing the door and padlocking it, from the outside. And the windows?  He may be nailing those bad boys shut so you will sit there and deal with/learn from/handle the situation He wants to carry you through, teach you and help you grow, not bypass and certainly not escape.

That leads me to the next saying we are quick to offer to someone who is suffering. God will never give you anything you cannot handle. W-R-O-N-G!!! Yes, He does. Let me explain that statement a little more, it is not that he puts it on us, sometimes he just does not prevent it from happening.

It's akin to telling someone this too shall pass. Or my favorite, "Life will be ever so much better when we get to heaven". Gee, ya think? Now, I know that sounded harsh because the intention behind saying this is good but... Aren't we just blowing the person off because we do not know what to say? Or worse, because we are afraid to say that God allows us to experience valleys because he knows it is the only way to get us to lean entirely on Him? I know that simply does not fit the deluxe model now does it? Who wants to be the bad guy and say "Yep, you are where you are so you will humble yourself and allow God to be God."? And odds are pretty high that we are not supposed to be the ones to say it in that way but we certainly shouldn't be selling a false bill of goods it is always sunshine, bunnies and puppies, being a Christian.

I know what you are thinking because it crossed my mind: 1 Corinthians 10:13 says God will not give us more that we can handle. It does but it is referring to temptation. Here is the verse:

1 Corinthians 10:13
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

God will not allow more temptation than we can stand. He will, however, put more on you than you can handle. More than you can handle, by yourself.  He will stand back and let the world take its best shots until you finally throw up your arms and cry "Uncle". Notice I did not say He takes His best shot or He piles it on your shoulders. I said He stands back. That is the crazy thing about free will, you have the freedom to decide.

Let me go back to the Bactine for a moment, I think you need the whole story. I grew up in the country. Most of my bike riding was in fields, on grass. Not a fun place to fall but if you did, the damage was pretty nominal. I was going to stay with my grandma and we had taken my bike to her house. She did not live in the country and the place I was going to be riding was asphalt. My Mama, with her infinite wisdom, said I should wear pants until I got used to riding on the paved roads. If I fell, I would be better protected. It was hot and how different could it be? Well if was different alright and the first pothole showed me just how different. I had a scrape that started at my ankle and ended almost at my knee. I chose a different option than the one my Mama offered and I did not fare well. But she was there afterwards, picked me up dusted me off, kissed my boo boo and sprayed that sucker with Bactine that lit me on fire. I still have a small scar. Lesson learned! I was molded and shaped thanks to that tumble and learned that Cathy knew exactly what she was talking about and had my best interest at heart.

Sometimes in our lives that is what God has to do. Not because He wants to but because we have given Him no other choice. He allows us to become so broken that we know the only way to be healed is to finally turn to our Healer, the one who was waiting there for us all along.

I want to end with the words of Job. After all he went through in Job 42:1-6 he states

1Then Job replied to the lord: 2“I know that you can do anything,and no one can stop you. 3You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me. 4You said, ‘Listen and I will speak! I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.’ 5I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. 6I take back everything I said,and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”

The good news is, even if we get it wrong, God can still use it to his good.

love-j

You Don't Need No Stickin' Training Wheels

Those are the words my Deddy said to me the day HE decided it was time for me to learn to ride my bike without the safety, security and all the other make you feel better words of my training wheels. I thought he had Lost! His! Mind! What did he mean it was time? I could barely stand without tipping over let alone hop on a bike and ride with only two wheels. Two Wheels! What was going to keep me upright? It will be too hard. What happened if I fell? What happened if I got hurt?

I stood in front of him with my mouth wide open and then it happened, my go to response at the time, I started crying. I think I even called in reinforcements... dun dun dun, Grandma. "I am not ready!" "You are mean to make me do this." "I can't... I won't... No!" "GRANDMA!" Little did I know the family had conspired against me. I was doomed. I was the only person on my side and I was outnumbered 1 to a bunch. I was going to learn to ride my bike without training wheels that day whether I liked it or not. And boy was it a big old NOT!

I followed him, head down, feet dragging, to my beautiful Columbia Sweet Miss bike. There she was, once my friend, soon to be my enemy and the bane of my existence. She was already missing those precious training wheels. He propped her up and told me to get on. "Ummm, no. I am going to fall. What happens if I fall?" My father the man of many words simply says "You get up and back on." Nope 'em, No way Jose, Ain't happening. I am not ready to do this. "I am going to be behind you holding on and you will be just fine." Many of you already know where this is going. He holds on, I start riding. He lets go and I ride off into the sunset.

Well almost. He held on, I started riding. He let go, I kept riding. He told me how proud he was, I looked back, realized he wasn't holding on, got scared and plowed into a bush. One of the scratchy kind. Did I mention I plowed into a bush? I am talking Wicked Witch of the East all you saw were shoes sticking out of the bush. He walks up, pulls me out, turns me around and makes me get right back on. I am scratched and scraped, snotty from crying and still scared but that one second of freedom was exhilarating and intriguing. Maybe I should try again.

Deddy before he turned on me! LOL

Courage, it is a scary word. When I sit down to start a post and find that God has a theme or a word that will define that particular post, I will look up the word. I almost did not with the word courage. Everyone knows what courage means. We see it everyday- soldiers, policemen, teachers. But just to be sure I was getting the full meaning behind God's message with this post, I looked it up.

Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

Oh y'all, I am going to need casts for my toes after this one.

I want to think I am courageous but I am not. I am afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of change, afraid of tilting the apple cart. Afraid to stop playing God, with the best of intentions of course, and sitting down, shutting up and letting God do the job He wants and needs to do.

How many times have I sabotaged myself because I was safe with my training wheels on? What have I missed?

When I was younger, I was not afraid to try pretty much anything. People, I rode my bike without a helmet! I have two knees that are more scar tissue than normal skin. I have scars that have great stories that will only ever be repeated if they learn to talk. I had bumps and bruises that covered body partS- plural. My experience with my bike taught me that, yes plowing into the bush hurt, but I learned from it, I gained freedom and it was worth it.

Where did my courage go? How have I grown closer to God in my Christian walk and lost my courage? It doesn't make sense. A closer walk with God means that you should have the quality of mind to face difficulty, danger and pain without fear. He tells us that he wants us to be courageous and He will give us what we need to do it. Don't believe me? Let's refer to the instruction manual.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

2 Timothy 1:7
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

John 16:33
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

This is only the tip of the iceberg. Try searching bible verses about courage. You will be astounded at the sheer number of verses that pop up.

So where did my courage go? It is still there it has just been buried under the pain and hurt of life. It is difficult to put yourself out there when you know there is a possibility of getting hurt. You begin wonder exactly how much you can take and what if God gives more than you can handle? Then the worse thing happens, you decide to keep the training wheels on, trusting God a little but not completely, or worse you never get back on your bike after you fall and stay stagnant, stuck. 

Jesus said in John 10:10-
The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

I purposely chose the New Living Translation as my verse. I think sometimes when we read the words "abundant life" our human/sinful side associates the word abundant with what the world tell us; cars, houses, money, perfect marriages etc. I don't think that was the intention with this verse.  Jesus is telling us to be courageous. The quality of mind and spirit to face difficulties and pain comes from knowing Jesus is there for us. Always has been, ALWAYS will be. He loved us enough to die for us.

When we call upon His Name, we are calling on Him and His army to help us face whatever is in front of us. I think that is the rich and satisfying life that Jesus' is referring to a life of courage that allows us to live past our fear and open our hearts to where God wants to take us. 

I think we are all familiar with Romans 8:31-

31What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

I want to share with you the rest of Romans 8.

32.Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33.Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34.Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

35.Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36.(As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37.No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38.And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39.No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Surviving the difficulties of  life has taught me that allowing God to take control, leaning in, shutting up and listening is the only way I will ever have "the quality of mind or spirit that enables person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear;", the courage to go the places God wants to take me to have a rich and satisfying life despite the difficulty, danger and pain thrown my way.

love- j

How to be a better Christian by Ella Jane Rollins Yorkie Extraordinaire

I have the cutest dog in the world. She is a sweet little thing and she is my puppy-daughter.  As much as I love her, that dog drives me crazy! If I had a dollar for every time I said "Move Ella" this blog would be written somewhere tropical with a pool, as my husband fans me and feeds me grapes. Or better yet feeds me coconut cake that has no fat and calories and all the flavor. Hey- if I am going to dream, I am going to dream BIG! As dear hubby says, "That dog should be called Lafawnduh, cause she all up on ya."

The restraint it has taken to make it this long without a Napolean Dynomite reference is astounding! But now that they have started.... Y'all are in trouble!

Dear People Reading My Mommy's Blog,
I do not wear this stuff. She got this on for 2.7 seconds and it had to go. 

This dog is always up under your feet. She wants family time and she wants it all the time. We are her pack and we stick together. All. The. Time. Again, it drives me crazy but it is surprisingly inspirational.

It is funny where I find inspiration for my walk with Jesus. Over the past few months, things that I need to write about have hit me watching scary movies, grocery shopping, reading the bible, moving the dog, breaking wooden spatulas while breaking up a bag of ice. Don't judge, better the spatula than people. How is it a six pound dog that can stretch to 9' x 9' and hog more of the bed than my 6'3" husband be a inspiration to a Christian you may ask. We should be under the feet of Jesus like little piranha there waiting for me to drop a morsel of dinner.  No, really, we should.

Ella-dawg is constantly seeking me out. She wants to be with me, sit in my lap, lay beside me, walk with me, love on me. She is currently headbutting because I am not sitting in such a way to promote her utmost comfort. Every single minute of every hour I am home, she wants to be with me. She is stuck to me like gum on the bottom of my shoe.  People, she sticks her nose under the bathroom door! She wants to do what I am doing, go where I am going. She follows my lead. She feels safe and loved and knows who takes care of her. Don't believe me? This is a regular occurrence...

Hello sorry puppy!

We all know you only sleep like that when you feel protected and loved. This pile of poopy puppy sleeps like this everyday. Every. Single. Day. 

Here is your homework assignment: Think about how your life would change if you doggedly (ha! Sorry, I couldn't resist) sought Jesus like Ella seeks me. No seriously, think about that for a moment.

How would your life change if you sought Jesus so completely, so thoroughly that he was our first thought in the morning and our last in the evening? Talk about radical changes. We cannot fathom the changes until we try it and the crazy thing it wouldn't be just your life that changed. 

My hubby has a friend that is a sweet, kind, hardworking young man. He is the type of person that you pray your children grow up to be. He lives his life putting Jesus first. He is fun, he has a good time and he laughs. He smiles all the time and it is a genuine, make your day better smile. I know, crazy huh? He doesn't walk around miserable, scowling and making those around him uncomfortable. He doesn't turn people off from Jesus, he attracts them to Jesus like a moth to a flame. He shows others the love and joy of Christ. He seeks Jesus like Ella seeks me. He humbles himself at Jesus' feet and is all the better for it. His joy and peace make people question what he has that they don't. He changes the life of those around him, just ask dear hubby. 

To quote the Doobie Brothers, dear hubby had a "Jesus is just alright with me" kind of attitude. He believed but had a hands off approach thanks to the actions and words of those who could be just a touch too religious. But over the past few months, I have seen him develop a deeper, more intimate relationship with the Lord. Hubby always says that I am the most positive person he knows but that is just me. I think since he has known me so long, he chalks it up to just being part of who I am and my personality. It is part of my personality, the Jesus part of my personality because trust me I can throw down and whine/complain/poor pitiful me like the best of them. It took seeing someone else have this same joy, same purpose to realize there is something to giving in wholeheartedly and seeking Jesus. 

I am sure this young man would tell us everything isn't always peachy keen and there are days when he struggles just like me and any other Christian who has walked, walks and will walk the face of this Earth. Humbly seeking and following Jesus, sitting at his feet, listening to and following his lead doesn't make things perfect #1:

entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

It makes them perfect #2:

exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose

My devotional verses today were- John 15: 1-17

1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunesso that it will be even more fruitful.3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.4Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.6If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.8This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.10If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.13Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.14You are my friends if you do what I command.15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.17This is my command: Love each other.

The funny thing is I started writing this post a while ago and just could not figure out where it was going. Leave it to the instruction manual to show me what to do.

love- j

Thank you Friend!

Where did that two months go? Oh yeah, it went into me not losing my mind that my kitchen update which was supposed to be done late February still is trudging along. You can only wash your dishes in your bathtub but so long before you want to break things... Over people's heads. But hopefully things will be done in time for Easter Dinner, if not it will be ham and pineapple pizza instead of ham for lunch and a pineapple cake for dessert.

But the real reason I have not posted in the past two months is because life has been difficult. Everyone has times that are valleys in their lives. Those are the times that the enemy is gunning for you. And here lately he has hit hard, backed up and hit again, pushing all the right buttons in all the right places to make life tough. I feel like I have gone 15 rounds with Tyson. I have bumps and bruises from this battle. And I am exhausted. Exhausted at the fact that the war seemed never ending. I would get over one hurdle and another would pop up and trip me again. I had literally reached the point that I physically did not have the strength to take one more thing. So I prayed.

Three simple little words. So I prayed.

Now, please do not think that I had not been all a long. I had. But this day, my prayer was much different. It was not me blabbing about the situation- God was there he knows what it is. It was not me praying that I not punch someone- God was there so thankfully I didn't. It wasn't me asking for a solution because I cannot take another minute without one- God knows his plan and his timing. It was so basic and yet so powerful. I simply prayed, "Lord, I am tired. I cannot do this. I need your strength to get this done and not go back and pull the covers over my head. I need this to be you, not me."  Where was this prayer for the past 5 months? Why did it take so long to get to the point of asking God to take it and let Him take care of me when I needed Him most?

 I think maybe because I was fighting the good fight and praying and still listening to God, things were difficult and although not getting much better, they were not getting any worse. But the last hit the enemy took was one too many and the straw that broke the camel's back. I was done. I simply could not take another thing without God somehow intervening and pulling me out of the quick sand.  So I asked Him to give me His strength. And He did. Now I am embarrassed to say that I asked for this help in cleaning my house. Yep- you just read that correctly. I have been wrung through the ringer lately and the thing that made me pray that prayer was cleaning my house. But I had spent so much time and energy battling everything else that I had nothing left for something important. (Remember- family is coming for Easter Dinner so a clean house is IMPORTANT. And the only room for bunnies on Easter Sunday is the Easter Bunny not dust bunnies. Not to mention, my people will call me out, with love, but out none-the-less.)

I mentioned this to a very wise friend at church and he made a comparison that blew my mind. He said "You know Jesus prayed the same thing in pretty much the same way." Back that train up Mr. Conductor- What? Jesus, the Son of God. God, Himself in human form? Oh no He didn't. But as very wise friend pointed out, oh yes He did, in Gethsemane.

Matthew 26:37 says that Jesus was sad and troubled.

He was getting ready to face death, a lonely, frightening, unbelievably painful death. And regardless of His divinity, He was human. He was going to face this death in human form, feeling and suffering every moment as we would. He was sad and troubled so much so as He prayed His sweat was drops of blood. He prayed that God would take it away. But that, regardless, His fate be God's will. And I cannot help but believe, as wise friend so kindly pointed out, that Jesus' statement of "not as I will but as you will" and "do what you want, and not what I want" did not only mean your will through me but also "I cannot do this alone, I need your strength."

Matthew 26: 39
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Mark 14: 35-36
Jesus walked on a little way. Then he knelt down on the ground and prayed, “Father, if it is possible, don't let this happen to me! Father, you can do anything. Don't make me suffer by drinking from this cup. But do what you want, and not what I want.”

Luke 22: 42-43

42“Father, if you will, please don't make me suffer by drinking from this cup. But do what you want, and not what I want.”

 43Then an angel from heaven came to help him.

So why do we wait so long to ask God to be what He wants to be anyway? Why does it take hitting bottom to ask for God's will in our lives and His strength to get us through it? I am sure we could play Mad Libs. It takes me so long to pray prayer (insert silly reason here): I can fix it. It's too silly to ask. God isn't interested in that small detail. It will be fine.

If we, as Christians, are to be like Jesus, our example is clear. It is perfectly okay to pray this, anytime. God is our medic, crutch, life preserver, breath and heart. He wants to be there first, last and every second in between. We just simply have to ask. He wants us to simply ask "Father, more you than me."

And yes, sometimes His will is going to take us places that only His strength will get us through. It is how he teaches us to fully rely on him.

love- j

Yes, Jesus Loves You

This weekend, I went to visit a dear friend who recently moved to Richmond. While there, I saw a woman who was put together. Her hair was perfect*, she was stylishly dressed, she was smiling and she looked like she had it together. I saw this woman in the reflection of a window and realized it was me. I was caught off guard at the way I appeared in the window because I was having a hell of a week. And by hell of a week, I mean the enemy has latched on and will not let go. And by week, I mean the past two months. Sitting in church yesterday, I was led to write this post.

(* Hey, I do not have perfect hair very often! When you do, you have to throw it out there. And thank your awesome stylist, Garrett.)

I find that when I am upset or sad, I do things that remind me of those times when I was little and I felt secure. I listen to Eric Clapton because I remember laying my head in my Mama's lap and the two of listening to Lay Down Sally until the grooves of the record wore out. I cook because it reminds me of my Grandma's house and there was nothing better than getting to spend the night with her. To me, it was better than Disney World, Kings Dominion and Busch Gardens all rolled into one. I do the things that Grandma did hoping to, if for only a second, feel as loved and as special as she made me feel. I absolutely do not for one second want you to think I do not feel loved. I have a wonderful husband who tells me and shows me and a family that does the same every chance we get. This is about that one special relationship that I hope we have all had that teaches you how much Jesus loves you.

I don't know why but this is one of my favorite pictures of her so in it goes! 

So here is the truth about the put together girl in the window. There are times I feel:

Broken- Really one more thing to add to the list of things going wrong?

Angry- We try to be the best we can be and do what's right because it's right and this is what happens?

Insecure- I simply am not good enough.

Scared- Y'all live in the same world I do, I am sure EVERYONE understands this one.

Unworthy- This list is long and oh so distinguished.

Tired- I feel like the world is winning.

I wish I could say I did not feel these things often but lately they are more prevalent than any other thoughts. So what do we do when we are here? Once again, it's so simple a child can tell you... Remember- Yes, Jesus loves you because the Bible tells us so.

Let's start with the one you see everywhere.

John 3:16  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

I hate to say this but you see and hear this one so much that it seems cliche. But think about the words for a moment. Many of you are parents, Brad and I are not. But hear me when I say, there are children in our lives that we love like our own and would hurt someone over. I have heard every single one of my friends and family who are parents say they would sacrifice their life for the life of their child. God loves you so much he sent his only child to suffer like we suffer and die for you. 

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ died for us. And it was not a simple, easy, pretty death. He took on the punishment of the world and all of our sins. He did this because of His love for us. I got popped on the hand for something my sister did once and you would have thought the world had ended. I cannot begin to imagine what that must have been like for Him. But the one thing we can NEVER forget is why He did it. The answer is because he loves us.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me.

Remember all of those things I listed above? Well, here are the answers.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 11:28-29

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Isaiah 40:29-31

He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

Philippians 4:19

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:37-39

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It is funny how everything I am feeling today is answered in a book written thousands of years ago. Because God knew. He knew what it would be like and as His children, He wanted to put His arms around us and tell us it will be okay. There it is, our great big Bible hug. Our Father, telling us "Lean on me, I am here for you and I love you."

As I have typed this, I have had one prevailing thought... There may be someone out there who has not had a person love them the way they deserve to be loved. They may not had an example of God's love from someone. This world is a broken, fallen place. People do not so great things and lose their way. We make bad decisions that have horrible consequences. We mess things up royally. But regardless of what we do, what we don't do or how badly we mess up... Actually let me say this as well- regardless of how much those around you may have messed up by what they did or did not do, we need to remember that someone loves us enough to send their child to die for us. God knew Jesus' life down to the last detail. He knew what would happen but to save us, He sacrificed His son. And Jesus had a glimpse of the book's ending as well. He knew what He would face and He loved us enough to die for us. Someone loves you enough that He gave his life for you.

1 John 4:9-11 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

We Christians are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination! See my list above. Sometimes our human, imperfect side is seen. But our job and hopefully, our goal is to be more Christ like. How do we do it, of course read the Bible, that is the play book. But we have to talk (pray) to God. He tells us He is our Father, Counselor, Friend. Why would you not turn to Him first and foremost in every situation? Ask Him! Because in working on this post, I realized I had not specifically prayed about the situation that caused me to feel like I did above. I had been praying about my feelings and why, oh why Lord, was this happening? I never once stopped and said "I give it to You, Lord. Tell, me what You want me to do." I threw myself a little pity party prayer and kept on going but I never once asked Him to take the situation and turn my ugly into beautiful. 

He loves us and wants to be in our lives. He wants to be first in our lives. Here is the interesting thing, when I allow him to be first, my circumstances may not change but I do because of his promises above. We need to remember He loves us and wants to help. We just have to be willing to ask and let Him.

My prayer is that throughout this year that is something that becomes second nature in my life.

love- j