But the real reason I have not posted in the past two months is because life has been difficult. Everyone has times that are valleys in their lives. Those are the times that the enemy is gunning for you. And here lately he has hit hard, backed up and hit again, pushing all the right buttons in all the right places to make life tough. I feel like I have gone 15 rounds with Tyson. I have bumps and bruises from this battle. And I am exhausted. Exhausted at the fact that the war seemed never ending. I would get over one hurdle and another would pop up and trip me again. I had literally reached the point that I physically did not have the strength to take one more thing. So I prayed.
Three simple little words. So I prayed.
Now, please do not think that I had not been all a long. I had. But this day, my prayer was much different. It was not me blabbing about the situation- God was there he knows what it is. It was not me praying that I not punch someone- God was there so thankfully I didn't. It wasn't me asking for a solution because I cannot take another minute without one- God knows his plan and his timing. It was so basic and yet so powerful. I simply prayed, "Lord, I am tired. I cannot do this. I need your strength to get this done and not go back and pull the covers over my head. I need this to be you, not me." Where was this prayer for the past 5 months? Why did it take so long to get to the point of asking God to take it and let Him take care of me when I needed Him most?
I think maybe because I was fighting the good fight and praying and still listening to God, things were difficult and although not getting much better, they were not getting any worse. But the last hit the enemy took was one too many and the straw that broke the camel's back. I was done. I simply could not take another thing without God somehow intervening and pulling me out of the quick sand. So I asked Him to give me His strength. And He did. Now I am embarrassed to say that I asked for this help in cleaning my house. Yep- you just read that correctly. I have been wrung through the ringer lately and the thing that made me pray that prayer was cleaning my house. But I had spent so much time and energy battling everything else that I had nothing left for something important. (Remember- family is coming for Easter Dinner so a clean house is IMPORTANT. And the only room for bunnies on Easter Sunday is the Easter Bunny not dust bunnies. Not to mention, my people will call me out, with love, but out none-the-less.)
I mentioned this to a very wise friend at church and he made a comparison that blew my mind. He said "You know Jesus prayed the same thing in pretty much the same way." Back that train up Mr. Conductor- What? Jesus, the Son of God. God, Himself in human form? Oh no He didn't. But as very wise friend pointed out, oh yes He did, in Gethsemane.
Matthew 26:37 says that Jesus was sad and troubled.
He was getting ready to face death, a lonely, frightening, unbelievably painful death. And regardless of His divinity, He was human. He was going to face this death in human form, feeling and suffering every moment as we would. He was sad and troubled so much so as He prayed His sweat was drops of blood. He prayed that God would take it away. But that, regardless, His fate be God's will. And I cannot help but believe, as wise friend so kindly pointed out, that Jesus' statement of "not as I will but as you will" and "do what you want, and not what I want" did not only mean your will through me but also "I cannot do this alone, I need your strength."
Matthew 26: 39
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Mark 14: 35-36
Jesus walked on a little way. Then he knelt down on the ground and prayed, “Father, if it is possible, don't let this happen to me! Father, you can do anything. Don't make me suffer by drinking from this cup. But do what you want, and not what I want.”
Luke 22: 42-43
42“Father, if you will, please don't make me suffer by drinking from this cup. But do what you want, and not what I want.”
43Then an angel from heaven came to help him.
So why do we wait so long to ask God to be what He wants to be anyway? Why does it take hitting bottom to ask for God's will in our lives and His strength to get us through it? I am sure we could play Mad Libs. It takes me so long to pray prayer (insert silly reason here): I can fix it. It's too silly to ask. God isn't interested in that small detail. It will be fine.If we, as Christians, are to be like Jesus, our example is clear. It is perfectly okay to pray this, anytime. God is our medic, crutch, life preserver, breath and heart. He wants to be there first, last and every second in between. We just simply have to ask. He wants us to simply ask "Father, more you than me."
And yes, sometimes His will is going to take us places that only His strength will get us through. It is how he teaches us to fully rely on him.
love- j
No comments:
Post a Comment